a friend of mine passed away a week ago today. he was a 29 year old daredevil who pushed every boundary and filled every second. i hadn't spoken to josh in four years. i communicated with him solely by posting comments on the most outrageous facebook photos he posted. still, when i heard his body had been found after almost two whole days of searching, i was wracked with grief and sobbed in grotesque fishy gasps. this is because of who josh was.
i first met him when i was twelve years old and in junior high. josh was nine and already skateboarding with the "cool" kids in my grade. "cool" has eluded me my entire life, so this nine year old who had such a solid handle on it was quite impressive. josh was polite, sweet and shy. (shy is something he would grow out of relatively quickly, but the other two qualities stuck around for his lifetime.) everywhere i went in my youth, josh was there. that's something that happens in small towns. the crowds are always the same. i was priviledged to snowboard with him more times than i can ever count. the kid was fearless. after highschool, i started dating one of josh's best friends. for the next eight years, josh was around even when i didn't want him to be.
i've been to seven memorial services in my life. they are always sad and always make me examine my own mortality. i left josh's with purpose. i've never seen so many faces at a funeral. i don't know how many people are meant to fit into the brilliant cultural centre, but those on the main floor and in the balcony were packed like sardines. every door was left open so that people could spill out onto the lawn. josh's eldest brother spoke eloquently and bravely. his fiancee was a lioness (aptly labelled by a friend) who greeted everyone with grace and courage.
josh had an uncanny ability to make everyone feel as though they were his best friend. he certainly made me feel that way. i'm sure every single person at the service would say the same. another friend of mine, allison, posted something on his facebook page that resonates with me. she spoke about the number of people at the service who loved him, but more incredibly, the number of people there that he loved. she said that it was "inspiring to know how much love your heart was capable of holding." and that's the truly astonishing thing. this twenty-nine year old pro-skateboarder who travelled the world doing what he loved, opened his arms to everyone he came across. he had no delusions of greatness. he was spiritual, humble, and kind to a fault. he lived fully in the present moment, and never allowed heartache to damage him.
and it's that purpose that has haunted me since i drove away from my old town. i want to fill every moment with living. i want to appreciate what i have. i want to risk my significance and open my heart to everyone i come across. i want to be less judgemental and less afraid. i'm proud that i knew josh. i feel like it was such a gift.
i don't know what my purpose is in posting this here. i think i'm just in awe that a person can make a difference in this world just by LOVING. (josh made all the difference in the world for countless disenfranchised kids.) i think that's so inspiring. i think it's a lesson. thank-you josh.
(photos: josh and tia. josh being josh.)
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